sun fall down.

help.

2011-08-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

i should have known that as soon i wrote my i'm on a roll post, that i would get stuck in a reading rut. i wrote that post june 1 and didn't finish run with the horsemen until almost the end of july.
but! let it not be a discouragement.. i think i'm back on the track.
i just finished kathryn stockett's the help and man. oh. man. is it everything it was cracked up to be. i was 100% charmed from the beginning and laughed out loud so many times.. sometimes loud enough to get shushed by my husband. fortunately for him, he didn't have to endure it long, since it took me no time to finish. i could hardly put that book down. and when i had put it down, i was constantly itching to pick it back up. i wished it could go on forever.

as with any good book that comes to an end, i was left with a feeling of emptiness coupled with a feeling of urgency to pick up something else. so i turn to travis for a suggestion, and i went with it. what's next on the list? ender's game. i've heard him talk about it for so long, most recently with andrea, as she's borrowed a few from the series from him, that it's probably a perfect choice. something different that i probably should have read a while ago. we'll see!

i have discovered greatness today.

2011-07-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

We've lived in Nashville for exactly six months, three weeks and five days and the whole time I've been searching for a great radio station. I have to tell you, I've actually been shocked by the fact that there is no true oldies station... classic rock, yes; motown/50s pop-rock, no. This has been especially sad for me this summer since at home, we listen to nothing but WMXX-FM Kool 103 in the summer time. But I digress......

In browsing the various stations (half of which are, naturally, country) here in NashVegas, I have found a small handful that I enjoy, with one of them being Lightning 100. And that's where I made my "discovery." If you're not familiar with this station, they play some stuff you've heard before, but a lot of artists that are in no way mainstream get airplay here. And this is where I heard the Traveling Wildburys. Maybe it's a shame that I didn't know this collaboration ever existed, but hey... better late than never! I'm just thrilled that there was a moment in time when two of my all time favorite artists (Petty and Orbison) joined up with some other legendaries (Dylan, Lynn and Harrison) to create really great music. What's even better [for me] is that I know about it.

So what have I done with my new-found knowledge? I made a Pandora station, of course! It's greatness. You should give it a whirl!

movie mission

2011-06-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

trav and i just got home yesterday from a lovely, much-needed vacation. his parents and some family friends had gone in together to rent a house in hot springs village, ar and we were able to stay with them a few days. when we arrived we were told we'd be staying in the library which wound up being a little study with a double bed and about 400 VHS tapes. yes, they were an outdated format, but that didn't keep us from noticing that the collection was probably one of the best we'd ever seen, including several movies either i, travis or both of us had never seen but have always wanted to see. so, i decided that i would make a list of some of those movies so as to [hopefully] move a few steps toward actually seeing them.

so our movie mission is as follows [in no particular order]:

The Pianist
Life As A House
Wit
Hello Dolly!
When Harry Met Sally
Jurassic Park
Back To The Future
Amelie
La Dolce Vita
An American In Paris
Godfather Trilogy
Terminator movies
The Bridge On The River Kwai
All Quiet On The Western Front
Zulu
Butterfield 8
Iris
What Dreams May Come
Some Like It Hot
Dead Poets Society
National Velvet
A Room With A View
Shawshank Redemption
Lawrence of Arabia
Dr. Zivago

So, if any of you friends happen to own a copy of one/some of these, holler at us and we'll do a movie night! (of course, now that we're back in nashville, only dvds will do)

eve

2011-06-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

the following is the first of a series of short bible studies i want to continue. it's based on the women of the bible; the first, of course, being Eve. basically what i did is read the passages of scripture that refer to her and jotted things down verse-by-verse.. things i gleaned from the story. then i wrote out more thoughts on where i felt i was being led by the passage read. these thoughts were also influenced by Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible, found on biblegateway.com. all quotes, unless associated with a specific scripture, are taken from this commentary. all emphasis is my own addition. but before all that, i'd encourage you to read the passage (there's a link below), first.

women of the bible: eve. gen 2:18 - 3:24

2:18-25 ---

companion, helper, unique [created for this purpose]
made from man's rib during his sleep
presented to man [perhaps as a gift?]
longed for [v. 23 "Finally!..."]
man puts her above all other creatures; she is embraced

3:1-24 ---

deceived by the clever serpent when she is alone
gave some of the fruit to Adam
stripped of God's shelter from shame and evil
had a relationship with God that she (with man) harmed
protected by God from the serpent [v. 14-15 "...crush your head... bruise his heel"]...
but still experiences consequences [v. 16]
mother of all the living
clothed by God
protected from making another potential mistake [guarded from the Tree of Life]
cast out and made to work the ground from which they'd been made
banished from the garden

Satan tempted Eve, that by her he might tempt Adam. It is his policy to send temptations by hands we do not suspect, and by those who have the most influence upon us. Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible

Eve is trusted... God created man and woman to trust each other. it is Satan in serpent form that manipulates that trust and creates separation between man and the goodness intended for them.

Satan attempts to create doubt about the trueness of all the good things with which God sets us up in the beginning. "He teaches men first to doubt & then to deny." He tries to make us "discontented with [our] present state."

Satan was discontented and therefore "ruined" himself. he uses the same methods in which he ruined himself to ruin us. misery loves company.

when they realized they were naked "they saw the happiness they fell from and the misery they were fallen into." God's question "Where are you?" is rhetorical... actually making it even more clear to Adam and Eve what it is they've gotten themselves into. They are being made aware of the obvious - they have made their own beds & must now lie in them. they know in this moment that though they were deceived, God is not deceived. "Though [Satan] is the tempter, we are the sinners." it is up to us whether or not we buy into his tricks.

-----------------------

these moments recorded in Genesis are what most refer to as the Fall of Man. before this deception, man and woman.. the whole earth.. was just as God had intended. however, a mistake, a mind game, a moment of loneliness brought Eve, the mother of all living, to doubt all the goodness that surrounded her. i imagine her thoughts, wondering if there were something better. i imagine her taking a bite of that fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden, the one God told them not to even touch, thinking there will be a great enlightenment. i imagine her convincing Adam to share with her in this experience and come to know all God knows. and indeed, their minds' eyes were opened. opened to a world of shame, of guilt, of separation and distrust.

my thoughts, when reflecting on this, brings me to ask some questions: "how often have i let Satan manipulate me into being blinded to the blessings of my life and lead me down a road that leads to an ultimate severing from all that is good?" "how many times have i allowed myself to be discontented instead of knowing that God is faithful?" "why do i find myself yearning for something more instead of trusting that the Almighty holds me in his hands?"

all those questions have to do with one thing: my choice to control my own thoughts and not to let them be tossed about like "wind-whipped waves" [James 1:5-8]. there is so much power in remembering that God is a Rock in this weary land we people have created for ourselves.

the serpent is, indeed, clever and knows us well. my prayer after this study is to resist his twisting of the truth; his manipulation of the mind which leads to a harrowing of the heart. and to know that though there's nothing i can do to change the way of man, to go back in time and prevent that first fall, He is faithful and He, through Christ, will let me rise.

i'm on a roll!

2011-06-01T14:35:00.000-07:00

i mentioned earlier that i am not one to make lists. actually, i'm not one to make lists about what i am going to do. however, i do like to make lists of things i've accomplished. that seems to motivate me better.. like i've got a good habit i don't want to bust.

so i want to make a list of all the books i've read since the beginning of the year. it may not seem too impressive.. but if you know me, you'll understand. pretty sure i've read more books in the last six months than i have in the previous two years. here it is:

1-4. Nora Roberts' Bride Quartet (mom gave them to me to read, so i went for it)

1. Vision in White

2. Savor the Moment

3. Bed of Roses

4. Happy Ever After

5. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Ki ngsolver (really frustrating, really great)

6. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (one of Travis's faves. and one i've wanted to read forever)

7. I, Mona Lisa by Jeanne Kalogridis (historical fiction set in Renaissance Florence. my favorite on this list.)

8. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes (another i've always wanted to read and so glad i finally did. very interesting)

9. Lucia, Lucia by Adriana Trigiani (a re-read. kind of sad, but really cool. Trigiani always writes about women who are super talents in their field and yet gives all of them a soft side.)

10. [in progress] Run with the Horsemen by Ferrol Sams (i told Travis i needed something that would make me laugh and he told me to read it. only 60ish pages in and i've already laughed aloud several times.)

11. [in progress] Love Wins: a Book about Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived by Rob Bell (our Bible study group is currently reading/discussing this. and it's really great. i think the key, though is realizing who Bell is writing to. you should read it.)

so there you go! since we got married and combined our libraries, i've had a bunch of good choices for 'what to read next.' they range from classics i've always wanted to read, books i haven't gotten to yet, re-reads because i want to see if i still love it as much as i did the first time, and completely new ones i've never heard of.

so, what's on deck?

when i finish 'Horsemen', i think i'll opt for something heavier. my first inclination is

1. Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.. just because it would be a huge challenge and, therefore, totally rewarding. Another good option would be

2. Stieg Larson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I bought it in an airport last summer and haven't even cracked it open. I'd love to finish out the series after that.

other honorable mentions for possible next-reads:

3. Jeffrey Archer's False Impression (about corrupt art dealing),

4. Sarah Dunant's Birth of Venus (historical fiction also set in Renaissance Florence. a re-read),

5. George Orwell's 1894 (started it and never finished it. would like to try again), or

6. C. S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia (read them all in middle school. attempted to read again until i realized that book 4 of our series -originally belonging to Trav- has a big chunk that's been torn out. so we'll have to do something about that first)

also, all suggestions/recomendations are more than welcome!

block party!

2011-05-31T13:50:00.000-07:00

i want to clarify something. maybe the description of a blog doesn't have to be so clearly stated.. but looking back on last night's post, i realize it kinda sounds depressing. i'm here to tell you not to worry! my main point was just to say that this little piece of cyber space is going to be a whatever blog. not always about spirituality or introspective deep thinking, like it was before. i'm excited about posting a wide variety of things. my inspiration is drawn from one of my best friends, andrea. she has lots of lists and things, which i'm not really into but the thought of putting out there whatever i want to share -therefore not topic-specific- sounds awesome.

so. now that i think i've cleared the air, on to the good stuff.

IT'S SUMMER!! okay okay. if you're one of those people that is going to point out to me that we still have a few weeks before the actual beginning of summer, don't waste your keystrokes. i'm well aware. but just because i'm aware doesn't mean that i'm not dying to swim in a pool, craving a burger hot off the grill or driving around with the windows down and the music UP! school is OUT and it's time to have some fun!

i've created a new Pandora station based on "That Thing You Do!" by The Wonders. Yes, I love that movie and Yes, every song sounds like it ought to be piping through outdoor speakers and the best summer block party ever. so in that vein, i'm gonna post a few of my summertime faves! enjoy!

In The Sun - Blondie

Girls In Their Summer Clothes - Bruce Springsteen

California Girls - The Beach Boys

That Thing You Do! - The Wonders

(Love Is Like A) Heat Wave - Martha Reeves and the Vandellas

blackout zone.

2011-05-31T01:15:00.000-07:00

so i think i've pinpointed the problem i've been having with this blog. i boxed myself in.

when i revamped it back in '08, i gave it a specific theme - driven by grace - but that is not the only purpose i want this thing to serve anymore.

it was just too.. focused. ... which would leave me feeling like if i wanted write on/in [whatever.] this thing, i'd have to limit myself.

it was good for me then, but that's not what i need now.

in my mind right now i'm picturing a scenario.. one in which everyone has probably found themselves. imagine you're in class, or at work, or at home in the middle of doing whatever.. the daily grind, or perhaps even something a little more demanding... and for no apparent reason, the power goes out. completely dead. no lights, no computers, no overhead projector or p.a. system, no loud air conditioners or television. there's always a certain sense of freedom when that happens. you are not held responsible for the work you were doing [or supposed to be doing] because no machinery is responding and you can't see to even pick up a pencil and write something down. it's just you and all the other guys around who come out of their offices to congregate or look around in vain from their desks just to say 'hey. power's out!'. it's kinda like a free time pass. a time where your brain can expand after being under some sort of previously unknown pressure. that free feeling is what i'm seeking.

i need an outlet. a release. something somewhere where i can just say what's on my mind without it being pertinent/relevant/timely/appropriate. and i'm making it right here.

consider this an official notice of another revamp. i'll probably change the title [though my old posts will still be here] and it will probably look a little different. but it's exactly what we [the blog and me] need.

from here on out, we're gonna just let things flow. let the thoughts out that get pushed back all too often because, comparatively, "they're just not that important." i'm realizing the pressure from that push-back that's made me feel - on even a bigger scale than the former intentions of this blog - boxed in. like there's so much light shining on so many things in my mind that it's overwhelming.

i need to unplug. so this will be my blackout zone.

restart.

2011-02-25T19:47:00.000-08:00

So, it seems that living in Italy, getting engaged, planning a wedding and starting a new married life have taken their toll on my blogging attempts. Realizing this, I'd like to take this opportunity to start sharing again. Yes, I'd like to restart.

With a new start comes a lot of new challenges, perspectives and experiences and they are exactly what I would love to write about here in hopes of not only helping myself to articulate them, but also 'throwing them out there' and getting feedback. So, if you've ventured here, I hope you'll return and join with me in this renewed commitment to stay driven by grace.

there is a choice.

2010-01-07T05:33:00.000-08:00

'do i have a choice?' is a subheading in the third chapter of francis chan's crazy love, which i'm currently reading. today, after reading this section, this topic of discussion was particularly interesting to me. maybe it's because i've never really thought to ask the question [or at least, not directly] that chan attempts to answer here. anyway, whatever the reason is, i thought i'd go ahead and share.

chan brings up a question that was asked of him by a university student when discussing 'the contrast between our unresponsiveness and God's great desire for us.' the question asked was:

"Why would a loving God force me to love Him?... [He] threatens me with hell and punishment if I don't begin a relationship with Him."

chan admits that the easy answer to this inquiry is that we're not forced into anything.. it's our choice and that in the moment, he wasn't exactly sure of how to give a satisfying answer to the deeper inclinations that student's thoughts. then, in the next paragraph, he explains what he would have to say to the student today, after having had some time to think. he breaks it down to simply the goodness of God and explains that if God is perfect and 'truly the greatest good on the earth, would He be loving us if He didn't draw us toward what is best for us (even if that happens to be Himself)?... [and] if He didn't do...that, wouldn't we accuse Him of being unloving in the end, when all things are revealed?'

after reading these things, i began to take it apart for myself. it makes me return to the part of the student's question which mentions 'hell'. yes, as humans, when we think of this place of 'fire and brimstone' we see it as a punishment, and in order to avoid punishment, we have to obey. this method of reinforcement is something we are familiar with and respond to. but hell is way more than just a place of eternal physical agony. it is eternal SEPARATION FROM GOD which I'm convinced, when compared with eternal UNION with God [what we call 'heaven'], is worse than a thousand eternities of physical pain and suffering. and though in this life we don't understand exactly what hell will be like, i can only believe that if eternal life is a place where we will live a life unbroken by sadness, frustration, questions, heartbreak, anger and pain, then eternal death will be an eternity unbroken by happiness, relief, answers, joy, wellness and love. it's this death of all that is good that is chosen when a person denies a relationship with God. sin is separation from God and when we make the choice to live in sin, as opposed to accepting the grace that we have through Jesus Christ which removes it, we are making an eternal choice.

coming to this realization has meant [a feeble attempt at] understanding the full implications God's holiness and his whole and perfect love for us, all of my thoughts on which are not developed enough to be able to articulate. nevertheless, i know that a relationship with God should be something we desire because of it's residence in truth, honor, justice, purity, loveliness, excellence, praiseworthiness, beauty, patience, kindness, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, humility, steadfastness, hope and love [phil 4:8; 1 cor 13; gal 5:22-23]; it all comes from HIM! for me, when realizing that every single thing that is good in this world is rooted in God, i can't justify choosing anything other than a relationship with Him. what sense does it make to love the gifts but reject the one who gives them?

it's in understanding the perfect and loving nature of God and all the gifts that are rooted in that nature that we are compelled to be an embodiment of His spirit and to share these gifts with others. realizing we are blessed by all that is good in life and where it all comes from convinces us that there is no other way to live than to live a life for Him. and we have made a choice. a choice to have life and to love.

glory

2009-11-12T02:15:00.000-08:00

a few times a week, we [david, debbie, emily and myself] meet together just to make sure we're all on the same page as far as the upcoming events/responsibilities are concerned. usually, david has a passage to share with us.. kind of like a 'thought of the day.' today i'm just going to post what he read. i feel there are many comments i could make on it.. but really, i think i should just let the Word speak for itself. if you have time, reflect on it and let me know how it makes you feel or think.

2 Corinthians 3:4-18 (Contemporary English Version)
We are sure about all this. Christ makes us sure in the very presence of God. We don't have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do. He makes us worthy to be the servants of his new agreement that comes from the Holy Spirit and not from a written Law. After all, the Law brings death, but the Spirit brings life.
The Law of Moses brought only the promise of death, even though it was carved on stones and given in a wonderful way. Still the Law made Moses' face shine so brightly that the people of Israel could not look at it, even though it was a fading glory. So won't the agreement that the Spirit brings to us be even more wonderful?If something that brings the death sentence is glorious, won't something that makes us acceptable to God be even more glorious? In fact, the new agreement is so wonderful that the Law is no longer glorious at all. The Law was given with a glory that faded away. But the glory of the new agreement is much greater, because it will never fade away.
This wonderful hope makes us feel like speaking freely. We are not like Moses. His face was shining, but he covered it to keep the people of Israel from seeing the brightness fade away. The people were stubborn, and something still keeps them from seeing the truth when the Law is read. Only Christ can take away the covering that keeps them from seeing.
When the Law of Moses is read, they have their minds covered over with a covering that is removed only for those who turn to the Lord. The Lord and the Spirit are one and the same, and the Lord's Spirit sets us free. So our faces are not covered. They show the bright glory of the Lord, as the Lord's Spirit makes us more and more like our glorious Lord.

the beginning: an brief update

2009-09-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

hello!!

i need to apologize for not having posted much of anything in the past while. i've been preparing to make the move to italy and i'm finally here. i got here eight days ago and have been busy busy busy.

three weeks before that, we had training for the avanti program in searcy and it was one of the most concentrated, intense, intentional spiritual experiences i think i've ever had. we were challenged in so many ways by the men and women who taught us and were stretched to the point where we were exhausted at the end. but despite being wiped out, i walked away feeling encouraged and way more prepared for the mission field. i know there is a lot to be learned through experience.. that not everything can be taught.. but we were really provoked to consider things we'd never thought of before and strengthened in many ways. and being able to do that with some of my closest friends was even more of a blessing.

i had a week between training and actually leaving for italy to see people and pack. after spending a night at home, where my friends threw a surprise party for me, i spent a few days in o'fallon with travis and his parents and little sis. it was absolutely wonderful to get to be around them. i love those wisely people so much. then trav and i went back to b-town to get all my things packed and to spend time with my family before i left. i have such a wonderful family that i think would support me through anything i ever chose to do. we had a couple of delicious meals together and one beautiful prayer together in nashville before i headed through security at BNA.

all my flights went off without a hitch and i finally arrived in firenze. the woodroofs were there to pick me up and take me to the Bible School (La Scuola Biblica di Firenze) to freshen up before we went up the hill to the HUF villa for the last big meal of the convegno (retreat) that had been going on in Florence that week. i would be lying if i said i wasn't greatly encouraged by the people i met that evening. at the end, after having eaten, visited and had the "talent show" we all stood in a [huge] circle and sang "Ti Amo Con L'amor Di Gesu" [I Love You With The Love Of The Lord] to each other, looking one another in the eye. it is such a wonderful feeling knowing that you share the same faith with the people around you, but even more so when you don't even speak the same language. how awesome our God is!!!

the week to follow since then has been, in some ways, intense because we've had to do a lot of housekeeping things, like filing our permessi di soggiorno, registering for language school and learning the ins and outs of the Bible School, not to mention learning how things work in italy. but all in all it has been wonderful so far. i have, for the most part, settled in to my room here and am looking forward to language school starting tomorrow.

even though it has been hard to have much study time since i arrived, i have managed to get into the word a little bit, along with picking up Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel. there are a few points i have found to be rather profound that i would like to share here, but i have to get up early in the morning, so it might be a better idea to save it for another afternoon this week. hope you'll check back for it though!!

remember to keep our work in your prayers! as of right now, the plan is to begin english lessons a week from tomorrow, so that emily and i can kind of get a hang of what life as a language school student will be like before we take on students. remember that i also have my website where i will keep reports posted of the goings-on here as well as photos of the different places and people we'll visit.

may the Lord watch over you and give you peace. great is His faithfulness!!!

ciao for now!

website!

2009-08-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

holler, everybody! my website dedicated to my avanti stuff is up and running!!

check it out!

it's there that i will be blogging, posting photos, etc. while i'm working with the avanti italia program. i haven't left yet, but i have already posted a couple of things regarding my last days here in the states. i'll continue to write while i'm in searcy for the training seminar in the next couple of weeks and then i'll be sending updates from overseas!! add me to your favorites/bookmarks and check in for new stuff often!

trust (cont.)

2009-07-16T13:44:00.001-07:00

"Without somehow destroying me in the process, how could God reveal Himself in a way that would leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room for me." Frederick Beuchner

just a little thought that kind of ties in with my last post. it was on yesterday's page of the page-a-day calendar i keep on my desk in my office.

trust

2009-07-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

The following is a couple of paragraphs I just read in Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel that I loved and really want to share:

Just as the sunrise of faith requires the sunset of our former unbelief, so the dawn of trust requires letting go of our craving spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances. Trust at the mercy of the response it receives is a bogus trust. All is uncertainty and anxiety. In trembling insecurity the disciple pleads for proofs from the Lord that her affection is returned. If she does not receive them, she is frustrated and starts to suspect that her relationship with Jesus is all over or that it never existed.

If she does receive consolation, she is reassured, but only for a time. She presses for further proofs - each one less convincing than the one that went before. In the end the need to trust dies of pure frustration. What the disciple has not learned is that tangible reassurances, however valuable they may be, cannot create trust, sustain it, or guarantee any certainty of its presence. Jesus calls us to hand over our autonomous self in unshaken confidence. When the craving for reassurances is stifled, trust happens.

Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel. p. 116.

This incredibly well-stated point is a great challenge for me. Hope it gives you something to chew on.

promises

2009-07-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way. Gloria Gaither
since january, our church has tried to implement a theme for each month. some examples would be "soldiers of Christ" for april, "faith in action" for june, etc. this month, the theme is "standing on the promises." we recently have installed projectors for implementing PowerPoint presentations into the worship services and i have been in charge of building multi-slide presentations of the weekly announcements. in an effort to remind everyone of the theme, i usually include a slide that states the theme with some sort of photo or illustration. in building this week's slides, i tried to think of what photo would most effectively encompass the idea of the promises God has made to His people. if you hadn't guessed it already, i immediately thought of rainbows.

after the flood, the most devastating natural disaster in the history of the world, God sent a rainbow, making his covenant and every living creature to never again send a flood to destroy the earth.

"I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth." And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and ever living creature of all flesh." Genesis 9:11-15a ESV

i think it is interesting that God says the rainbow will be a reminder for Him, when, obviously, He has no need of any such thing. instead, i believe that the rainbow is to be more of a reminder for us, His children, of the love he shows. being fortunate enough to actually remember this when when we see a rainbow occur in nature before our very eyes is truly an overwhelming experience. it is a confirmation of God's presence right in front of us when all too often we forget that He is all around us always.

what is even better is that not only do we see the "real deal" on occasion, we are surrounded by metaphorical rainbows on a daily basis. this is what the quote i used to begin this post is talking about. that no matter what our journey may be or where it may lead us, we cannot forget what our motivation is nor can we forget to see that God is alive in all of the creation that surrounds us.

so with that, let us strive to keep the wonder in our lives and let the simple things remind us of God's promises of love and grace to all.

We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.

long time.no post

2009-07-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

all right people. i realize it's been entirely too long since i posted last. naturally, lots of things have taken place. here's a quick recap:

went to houston in early may...trevor graduated mid-may and we went to cedar point and st. louis for his senior trip...the first weekend in june i went to new york with a couple of friends from high school, andrea and elise...reunited with several great harding friends at alice-anne and brad's wedding in searcy...celebrated birthdays (mine, stuart's, trevor's and america's) july 4th weekend...and now, here we are.

in case i haven't mentioned it before now, i'm going to be leaving for italy in late august to work with the avanti italia program with one of my besties, emily. we are so pumped! i, personally, have, until now, been a little scared by the whole thing, mainly because i haven't been receiving funding like i had hoped i would. however, over the past week, things have really moved along nicely. by now, i have most of the money i need, my passport will be here in two weeks and hopefully within the month i will be making headway on applying for/receiving my VISA. i can't believe what we've been waiting to do for over a year is finally FINALLY here!!

in four weeks, i will be quitting my job here at the funeral home and getting everything packed up. i'll be living in searcy for a couple weeks for training (the dates of which are aug 10-21) and i'm really looking forward to that. travis and cullen are going to be joining us there (they'll leave for italy in january) and we're going to have a blast.

in regards to keeping everyone updated on our adventures over there, i'm working on formatting my own website that will be entirely dedicated to what i'm up to over there. i will have a blog set up for reporting and will be posting photos there as well.

this blog i hope to keep up for spiritual discussions, which is sort of what i've done with it in my last few posts. but instead of discussing a chapter of a book, etc., i hope to explore ideas, observations and questions that stem from my experiences in the mission field. i can't tell you how greatly i'm anticipating those challenges.

in the meantime, i'm going to ask for prayers that things will continue with the positive momentum they have picked up in the past couple of weeks. i am incredibly thankful for this opportunity to serve and any support you could give through your encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

i'll close with one of my favorite passages that i hope to keep at the forefront of my mind while i'm serving in italy:

"Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." Ephesians 4:15-16
my greatest hope is that i will do all that i am able as a part of the church, which is the body of Christ, and, most importantly, that i will remember to stay driven by grace.

i thank you God

2009-04-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

i thank you God for most this amazing

day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth

day of life and love and wings: and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any--lifted from the no

of all nothing--human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

e.e. cummings

-------------------------------------------------------------

"From the tiny birds of the air and from the fragile lilies of the field we learn the same truth, which is so important for those who desire a life of simple faith: God takes care of His own. He knows our needs. He anticipates our crises.... He stands ready to come to our rescue. And at just the right moment He stepes in and proves Himself as our faithful heavenly Father."

Charles R. Swindoll

an opportunity

2009-04-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

"What we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence...but that there is a God right here in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages about Himself in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get messages through our blindness." -Frederick Buechner

recognize the everyday reality of the presence of God in your life. He is in every moment giving you the opportunity to acknowledge Him and His ways. in taking these opportunities, you are living a life of awareness and obedience... following the example He has set for us through Christ. the miracle of Easter has set us free from the bondage of sin. He has made all things new!

befriending and confessing

2009-04-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

ok, as i've discussed previously, i'm reading Darryl Tippens' Pilgrim Heart: The Way Of Jesus In Everyday Life two chapters a week. It is the text my tuesday night Bible study group is using to initiate discussion. this week's chapters were Chapter 7: Befriending: The Mutual Regard and Care of Souls; and Chapter 8: Confessing: I Swear to Tell the Whole Truth.

Befriending: The Mutual Regard and Care of Souls

after discussing honoring the sabbath in our daily lives in the previous two chapters, an emphasis is put on friendship in chapter seven. of course there were the obvious allusions to David and Jonathan, Ruth and Naomi, and Christ and his disciples. but there were some points he made that i particularly liked..

friendship as a lost art. he writes that "[p]opular culture tells us in countless ways to stand alone, to be independent, and not to tell the truths of our inner beings to anyone...and many--men and women alike--feel compelled to go it alone." couldn't agree more. society is so individualistic these days, with emphasis placed on being able to lift oneself from one's own bootstraps. and while it is important to accept responsibility in life, we can't expect ourselves to go throughout life without help. we were created for each other.
the importance of a "soul-friend." tippens uses this english translation of the gaelic anamchara, a concept stressed in Celtic Christianity. he quotes a story about St. Brigit where she tells a young boy: "anyone without a soul-friend is like a body without a head." this type of friend, as tippens describes it, "mentors us and holds us accountable in special ways." a soul-friend offers "protection and safety" in addition to "the virtues of love, temperance and moral accountability." As is stated in Proverbs 17:17, a familiar passage, "A friend loves at all times" and tippens takes it even further to say "yet, there is grace when we fail." this intimate relationship requires honesty and openness as well as time and "periodic renewal" but is a reflection that we show to one another of the divine love we receive from God.
friendship flies under the flag of freedom. when i read this, i immediately highlighted it because it came across as something extremely simple, yet profound. because although finding soul-friends means engaging in close relationships, they cannot become so tightly knit that respect for the "personhood" of the friend is lost. "friendship is not enmeshment" tippens goes on to say. he uses Augustine's reflection on a friendship he once had when he confesses, "I had poured out my soul on to the sand by loving a person sure to die as if he would never die." in making this point, tippens emphasizes the importance of balance in true friendship.

Confessing: I Swear to Tell the Whole Truth

to me, this eighth chapter tied in very closely to the "befriending" chapter. it's emphasis was on how important it is to confess in our walk with Christ. in the first paragraph, tippens writes, "The pilgrim heart is a confessional heart, a heart that faces the truth, accepts the truth, and tells the truth--especially the truth about oneself." he then addresses the ironic approach many Christians have today toward confession, pointing out that "the Christian community's demand for respectability often increases the dishonesty" and it this dishonesty that leads to the bitterness, resentment and cynicism that all too often occurs within the fellowship. but even beyond that, confession "initiates the walk towards God and opens up the path to extraordinary possibility." admitting the truth in our wrongdoings gives us the hope for healing, the possibility of which puts the "good" in "Good News" as tippens puts it.

one of the greatest challenges of confession is the putting aside of pride. many are comfortable with private confession to God, retreating to their private quarters. and while we are called to engage in private prayer and confession, it is not enough. tippens says, "Private prayer runs certain risks. In our solo prayers we can fool ourselves. We can think we are yielding...We can let ourselves off to easily...[without being] fully accountable..." therefore, tying into chapter seven's discussion of frienship, having an authentic 'soul-friend' is important for these purposes.

another point tippens makes that i immediately highlighted is the following:

Christianity is much more than thinking right thoughts about God. it consists of much more than "mental acts." It is preeminently a social religion. It involves practices that include others.

we, as christians, should be bold in speaking the truth. one of my favorite scriptures is Ephesians 4:15: "Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ." this, however, shouldn't be limited to speaking the truth about Christ, but also speaking the truth about ourselves, lest we become hypocritical. adopting this mentality should only reinforce a desire to avoid settling for cheap righteousness and false piety.

lastly, tippens hits on the subject of absolution. "'absolution' is the pronouncement of the glorious truth that we have been released from our burden." this important to note because of the nature of confession. it isn't simply a statement being made by someone, it is a conversation to be had between two. as we are to confess, we are to also offer listening ears and absolution. that's not to say we are to take on some sort of special position of entitlement. we are merely communicating the promise given in Scripture that the Lord forgives the penitent. nor do we allow this status of listener to bring a sense of overwhelming burden. rather, we release those burdens to the Father. read John 20:23, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 2:12 and Matthew 9:2 in addition to many other scriptures that speak on forgiveness.

in reading both these chapters, i am reminded of how important it is to form relationships where these actions can come to fruition. thankfully i can say with confidence that i do have people in my life to whom i can make such confessions and likewise lend an ear and a hand. the bottom line is we need each other. and to anyone that might have stumbled across this today, i pray you have these soul-friends in your life as well.

here's to another week!! : )

resting

2009-03-30T17:48:00.000-07:00

so, i may have chosen the absolute most wrong time to make an attempt on jump-starting this little blog here. for the past two weeks or so my life has consisted of work and hee haw practice/shows. i won't get into what hee haw is, other than the fact that it's a show my community does as a fundraiser for the american cancer society. this is its thirtieth year and i'm proud to have been a part of it, but it has been a surprising source of stress. after doing the sound of music last fall, the christmas review in december and this show last week, i'm at a loss as to how to emphasize just how hard it is to have a full-time job and be involved in the arts. and not only that, but being a freshly-graduated university student who has moved back in with her parents for a year with no time to herself is verging on unbearably overwhelming and, well... downright irritating. i am still very much under the thumb and at times i feel like i'm suffocating.

this is how i felt a couple days ago. if time and space were water and air, you could say i was choking miserably for a lack of both. i needed peace.. respite.. retreat. i needed time to think, ponder and pray over several things in my life that had gone untouched for almost two weeks; the foremost of those being the reading i was to have finished for my tuesday night bible study. we're reading Darryl Tippens' Pilgrim Heart and i can already say that i have been greatly blessed by this study. without going into too much detail, the gist of the book is to acknowledge "the interior dimensions to spiritual growth, [and celebrate] incarnational practices that fully honor the social, practical and embodied aspects of the Way of Jesus", thus, possessing a pilgrim heart.

with that in mind, my focus lately has been a sense of acknowledging the comprehensive nature of actually being a Christian and to me that would involve a constant awareness of God in my life, realizing that in every instance i am given the opportunity to recognize his presence in my life and show that in my lifestyle. i could feel myself neglecting this mentality of embodying Christ's teachings over the past two weeks. even at sunday morning services, with friends and relatives visiting because of the show over the weekend, i found it hard to really focus on the Lord. at lunch that day, i was reminded of how Christ went to the mount of olives to pray, even while crowds were flocking to hear him, and all i could think was: i need to retreat up into the mountain.

and so it was that i made up my mind to devote my afternoon to catching up on my bible study reading, to getting into the word and to prayer. the afternoon had turned sunny and i opened up the book to chapter five: "resting: the day sabbath becomes joy". i was amazed. as it turns out, what i had been craving was exactly what i was about to be fed. and what's better is that chapter six was merely a continuation of the former. my afternoon's focus was completely on the importance of sabbath in our everyday lives. in these chapters, tippens discusses eight beatitudes for our time which were essentially paradoxical expressions modeled after the originals in matthew 5. and although they were all very well expressed, it was the first one that made the biggest impression on me:

Happy are those who serve the world by abandoning it for a little while.

or "Blessed are those who enter silence, for they will hear God." i was struck by this concept mainly because of the nature of our lives today - the 24/7 life our culture inspires - and how i had been suffering from it. all too often we forget how pointless it is to constantly spin our wheels... choosing quantity over quality. tippens quotes thomas merton: "True solitude is the home of the person, false solitude is the refuge of the individualist." it is pointed out here that true solitude is a place in which we can reside... it is not a vain escape from life. it is a place that we need. allowing this peace of mind to remain constant in our lives is necessary so that we may better commune with other Christians and serve the world around us. as tippens rounds out the sixth chapter of his book he writes, "...every pilgrim heart shares the same essential need of [sabbath]. Answering Jesus' quiet invitation is the place to begin: "Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while" (Mark 6:31). If we hear and obey, we will be blessed indeed."

it is with those closing words that i was encouraged to accept the precious time i had been given to reflect on what it means to truly experience being still and knowing He is God (Ps. 46:10) for there truly is no greater blessing than to know that the Lord holds us in his hand.

spring

2009-03-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, today is the first day of spring. And with spring comes new beginnings. A few new things have come into my life recently; one of them being my involvement in a Tuesday night Bible Study with a small handful of some great friends. It's through this group that I have been given a straightforward opportunity to develop and express my thoughts on spirituality, religion, and really... in the most basic of terms, life. And the more I find myself thinking on these things, the more I feel I need to share. So. I'm going to start this thing back up as kind of a sounding board for anything, really... but most importantly for expressing and sharing the things I'm learning and contemplating.

Since I've been holding down my little office job over the past several months, I've had one of those spiral-bound page-a-day calendars. Most of the ones I have encountered in the past have verged on sugary-sweet or just down-right lame. But this one has, on occasion, prompted some fairly introspective points for me. Here's a thought for today:

"For though we have never yet seen God, when we love each other God lives in us and his love within us grows ever stronger." 1 John 4:12 tlb

Remember to love on each other, even strangers, so that we may show God and Christ to those around us.

Happy Spring!

mulligan day

2008-10-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

today i have spent my morning trying to work out a pay schedule for the new york trip i'm taking with my brother's high school drama class this february. here at work, my calendar is one of those almanac-y ones that tells you the dates of the different moon phases, when the best fishing and planting days are, the gestation periods for livestock, etc. it also includes holidays i've never ever heard of. one of which was this past tuesday, which turns out to have been hunter's moon sukkot.. which is some sort of jewish holiday. i googled it and in the process found several 'holiday' sites, several of which told me today is 'mulligan day.'

in case you're not familiar with irish terminology, a mulligan is a golf term that pretty much means 'do-over.' i had known the term before from a sermon i heard in oxford when we went to church with alice-anne last august. the preacher had basically applied it to how we are forgiven, thus, what he called a 'spiritual mulligan.' anyway.. the premise of observing 'mulligan day' would be to allow second chances today. not only for yourself, but for other people as well. the way i see it, it could be an opportunity to start with a clean slate with someone or something in your life. just an interesting thought for today... especially in a world where forgiveness seems harder and harder to come by.

trying to decide

2008-10-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

so, about a month ago, a stray cat started coming up the front door at the funeral home. we decided she was probably a drop-off seeing as how she was very very thin but very friendly and wanted to come inside every time someone opened the door. we began feeding her and she hung around. then one day, about a week ago, she was attacked, with two open wounds on the side of her face. we decided to splurge and buy medicine for her face and for worms we were sure had been plaguing her. needless to say, she hasn't left, and we're pretty sure she's preggers.. woops! so i'm a granny now (awesome.) which brings me to a point where i feel like i should name her and actually take ownership of her. i've come down to two options, but can't decide: "aurora" or "paisley." aurora for the company from which we buy our caskets and paisley for the middle name of my great- and great-great-grandfathers who started the business. so, if you have an opinion, tell me. : )

He is here.

2008-10-02T11:53:00.000-07:00

Eating lunch with a friend. Trying to do a decent day's work. Hearing the rain patter against the window. There is no event so commonplace but that God is present within it, always hiddenly, always leaving you room to recognize Him or not recognize Him, but all the more fascinatingly because of that, all the more compellingly and hauntingly.
Frederick Buechner

swedish dance party.. literally.

2008-01-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

ok. so i knew that when i went overseas almost two years ago (eek! can't believe its been that long!) my favorite place - other than italia of course - was stockholm, sweden. our free travel group had a bonding ritual we developed before we left that had to do with swedish dance parties....

today i finally decided to spend a bit o' cash at the iTunes store to purchase some of my favorite songs from middle/high school. i bought two entire albums and a handful of singles from four different artists. in researching the backgrounds of these artists, i realized something... interesting.. and freakin' cool:

First off: Robyn... Swedish pop singer/songwriter
album: Robyn Is Here - Do You Really Want Me (Show Respect)

Next: The Cardigans... Swedish band formed in 1992
album: First Band On The Moon - Lovefool

Third: The Wannadies... alternative rock band formed in 1988 in.... you guessed it... SWEDEN
album: Bagsy Me - You and Me Song

weird huh? its kinda like that time when my dad sent me two cds full of songs that were hits in the year of my birth for my 20th birthday and how amazed i was when i realized how many of the songs were ones i'd loved my whole life... what a coincidence.

in case you're wondering who the fourth artist was.... it was janet jackson. (someone to call my lover)

the soundtrack of my life

2007-09-25T01:29:00.000-07:00

ok.. i have decided that my dream job would be to be a music consultant. that probably doesn't exist in real life, but who cares. one can dream, right?
so, if you're interested in a good ole fashioned spirit liftin'....
then listen here:
1. 1 2 3 4 - Feist
2. Baby, It's A Fact - Hellogoodbye
3. Bleed To Love Her - Fleetwood Mac
4. Born To Run (Live) - Bruce Springsteen
5. Check On It - Beyonce and Slim Thug
6. Hungry Heart - Bruce Springsteen
7. I've Just Seen A Face - Evan Rachel Wood
8. It Just Comes Natural - George Strait
9. Movies - Alien Ant Farm
10. Nothing Better - The Postal Service
11. Stone In Love - Journey
12. The Future Freaks Me Out - Motion City Soundtrack
13. Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse
14. Dreaming - Blondie
15. Put Your Records On - Corrine Bailey Rae
16. Feeling Good - Michael Buble
17. Umbrella - Rihanna featuring Jay-Z
18. Alright - Supergrass
19. The Difference - The Wallflowers
20. 23rd Street Lullaby - Patti Scialfa

of course that's just the tip of the iceberg.
long live good music.

fresh

2007-08-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

its nice to start anew.

wether its the smell of fresh paint or a familiar face with new meaning... there's happiness in all of it.

so this is where i am now.

who would have thought coming back to this town would've meant what it has already?

i guess unexpected things can be good...
and exactly what you need.

i think i'm anti-title.

2007-08-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

i feel i must post, so i am going to share some random events/thoughts.. here we go

i, for the second time, blasted out the front speakers in my car, so i got them replaced today.. i wonder how long this set can hold out.

there are too many of my friends engaged or married on facebook. i'm overwhelmed just thinking about it.

i am white. no tans for this chick-a-dee this summer... nooo sir.

i've come to the conclusion that i am no longer in need of a hairstylist. i can successfully cut and color my own hair in the comfort of my own home. which saves me about a gazillion dollars....

...that i willingly fork out to pay for my email account.

i am in desperate need of time to go to a rollercoaster park, a professional basball game and to new york... some friends to go with me would be nice as well.

i'm reading Lucia, Lucia right now.. and it makes me wish i were born the daughter of an italian immigrant raised in new york in 1950 who is drop-dead gorgeous.. i even have dreams about it.

"Harry Potter" is amazing... even though it did take me two weeks to finish it.

one of the most exciting pieces of news i've heard all summer: Weezer is coming out with a new album next year. and you said they'd broken up.

i love strawberry newtons, wheat thins and easy cheese, and cosmic brownies regardless of who thinks whatever about them.

i'm pretty sure i have amazing friends who will listen to me no matter how many times i have to vent/cry to them about.. well.. we won't go there.

i hope your summer has been fun. mine's been busy and i'm relieved to think i'll be back with (most) everyone in less than a week. *love!

its getting close to being "that time"

2006-07-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

well, i got everything booked to go home. i changed my return date from the sixteenth to the seventh of august.. which means i'm only going to be spending a few days relaxing in cinque terre once the villa shuts down. then i'll be flying from rome to london on the sixth and then headed home on the seventh.. i know its a lot earlier, but i'm really happy with my decision. this means that i'll get to see my cards play the reds in cincinnati, spend the next day at cedar point and then the weekend in detroit. i'm so excited!! it's been so long since i've been up there. yay!

we are leaving for rome next thursday. it is our last trip together as a group anywhere. besides that, its classes and finals. it is kind of hard to believe that the summer has gone by so fast. its been such a blessing to see all that i've seen. however, i am really excited about getting to see everyone again back at HU... minus a couple that i'll deeply miss. : ( not gonna think about that.

tryin it out...

2006-07-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

soo i am tryin out this new blog thing to decide if i like it better than xanga... we shall see..